20,000 Live Adult Predatory Mites – P. persimilis – Ships Next Business Day!

Mere weeks since a nuclear-sized troupe of Predator Mites was deployed in the homeland, these intrepid defenders continue to dominate!Their food supply is quickly dwindling, and intel suggests they might soon invade neighboring units to spread messages of plant peace by way of boldly-cannibalistic combat tactics.They are declared local heroes, and a tiny monument has been erected in their honor. Like the mites themselves, this commemoration is nearly imperceptible to the human eye. Nevertheless, an atmosphere of awe is palpable at the macro level.Furthermore, and despite a seasonally-induced decrease of sun exposure, the local flora displays BOOMING, blooming growth! Their terracotta avenues shimmer with some sort of mica-like confetti substrate— as fanfare and celebrations of victory continue.After a long and war-torn 2 years of senseless leaf shed, the webs of terror finally rest (as does the pesticide-spraying forearm belonging to the writer of this testimony).Census reports are unanimously in support of this military spending. Economists suggest that the cumulative costs of not taking this action sooner, actually far outweigh its singular expense.It’s been said, after all, that “you can’t put a price on freedom”. And surely, young, unfettered sprouts will be regaled with this tale of triumph for generations to come…We honor the houseplants of yore who did not survive long enough to see the coming of our chivalrous conquerors. (May they rest in compost).